Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
