Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A+ Viking dick
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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