Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize