In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
