Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
