apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
