I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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