Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Couch. On fire.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
