You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
