I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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