her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
