1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
