i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen