I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
