My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
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he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.