I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
