It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
