If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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