U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
