Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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