My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
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Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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