i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
