You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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