He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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