i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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