Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
