kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
