Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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