i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
