Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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