Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
