she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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