She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
