i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
