between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
