Porn is love you can see.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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