They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
