If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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