I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
