I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
