with your own penis?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
