"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
