We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
