HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
