does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
