Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
