Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
