she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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