These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
