I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize