Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
