I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
