I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
vagina is talking i cant
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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