i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
