So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
