Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
