Plan B is the new Plan A
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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