im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
