Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
