I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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