Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
