You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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