Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
