Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
