Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
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yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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