I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
