Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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