Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
