Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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