Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
