i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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