nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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