So drunk its hurt
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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