Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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