If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
