you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
