i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
