i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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