That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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