belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
