He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
