Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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