There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have post one night stand depression
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
