were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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