EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
