you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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