when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
